?What exactly are some of the ways in which you show kids that father and mother need time alone, without feeling guilty about it??
A journalist, writing articles on having time alone and couple time if you have kids, asked me this question.
Parents will feel guilty only once they believe that they’re doing something wrong by hanging out alone and couple time without their children.
That is a false belief.
The truth is that children mature far healthier emotionally when their parents are happy and fulfilled, even if this means that their parents spend less time with them. When parents understand that they are being good parents by talking loving care of themselves and their relationship, their children will understand this.
A proven way of helping children understand this is to introduce the idea of ?time alone? very early in a child?s life. By the time a child is three, he or she can easily understand the idea of time alone. If, each time you spend time alone together with your child, you say, ?This is our time alone,? your child will begin to understand the concept. When you have time to yourself, you can say, ?This is my time alone with myself.? When you spend time with your partner, you can say, ?This is Mom and Dad?s time alone together.? Parents can tell their children, when they are capable of understanding the words, ?We are in need of time alone with you, with one another, and with ourselves. yizzly of us need to respect this about each other.?
Our three children fully understood the idea of ?time alone? because we spent time alone with each them. They found understand and respect at an extremely young age the necessity for time alone.
If you put yourself aside and don?t spend time with yourself and with your lover, you are giving your kids unhealthy role modeling. You’re teaching them that others are always responsible for meeting their needs. You are teaching them to feel eligible for your time and attention instead of helping them learn to respect others? time. You’re teaching them that it is okay to demand that others put themselves aside for them, which might create narcissistic behavior.
Healthy parenting means getting a balance between being together with your children, being together with your partner, and being with yourself. For the children to grow up taking responsibility because of their own needs and feelings, they have to see you taking responsibility for your needs and feelings. Constantly sacrificing yourself for your children does not role model personal responsibility.
Children have to experience you as well as your spouse enjoying your time with each other, and also with yourselves. They need to see you pursuing your projects, hobbies, creativity and passions as a way to understand that they also need to find their passions. For anyone who is always there to meet your kids?s needs, how do they discover who they are and what brings them joy? Always being there to meet your children?s needs for entertainment creates a dependency on others instead of finding these resources within themselves.
Many people grow up being unsure of how exactly to be alone with themselves. Since they were either always before a TV or being entertained by their parents, they never discovered how exactly to ?play by themselves.?
Of course it is vital to have enough time alone with your children. Nonetheless it is equally important to have sufficient time alone together with your spouse and with yourself. When you understand this, you’ll stop feeling guilty about taking your time and effort alone. When you no more feel guilty, your kids will figure out how to stop guilting you and respect your needs.